Brad Pitt Uses His Cell Phone As A Urinal Cake

Written by Fingers MalloycloseAuthor: Fingers Malloy Name: Fingers Malloy
Email: Fingers@rfcradio.com
Site: http://www.fingersmalloy.com
About: Fingers Malloy is a blogger and talk show host. You can hear his show, The Snark Factor with Fingers Malloy every Wednesday at 8PM EST on RFC Radio. But what is The Snark Factor? Imagine a show that sounds like The Daily Show, smells like The Daily Show, but is written by a right wing extremist…… Meet The Snark Factor with Fingers Malloy. Fingers has the experience necessary to mock pop culture and the news of the day. Before Fingers joined RFC Radio he was; A stand up comedian, A community organizer, A beauty pageant contestant in Alaska, A plumber in Ohio, Batman. When we combine the richness of Fingers Malloy’s life experience with the commentary of Thomas LaDuke, you get the quickest 60 minutes in new media. Listen today, it will change your life.* For more on Fingers Malloy go to your local public library, or visit www.fingersmalloy.com. Thomas LaDuke is a blogger and hosts Duke Over America on RFC Radio. For more on Duke visit www.dukeoveramerica.com. * Warning, listening to The Snark Factor will not change your life and may cause male pattern baldness in liberals..... Listen today at www.rfcradio.com! And read what Fingers writes for Parcbench. It is pure magic!See Authors Posts (16) on July 28, 2009

Ahhhhhh Hollywood. For years you have been filled with bad ideas that you too often share with the rest of the world. Thanks to Hollywood we have Andy Dick, the Mission Impossible movie trilogy and many faked moon landings (according to Whoopi Goldberg.)

So why should I be surprised by an interview with Brad Pitt in this month’s issue of Wired Magazine? Brad shared his views on public restroom etiquette and his use of a cell phone.

“No, you can’t talk on the phone. Do you want the guy next to you to hear your entire conversation?”

You got me Brad. I could not agree more. Now please don’t let another word about this come out of your face. But wait, he could not help himself.

“That’s why you should only text in the bathroom. Just be sure you don’t hit the wrong button and end up putting a photo of your junk on Twitter. Trust me, you don’t want those followers.”

Fingers Malloy is fair and balanced. So to be fair to Brad I must confess I did not read the entire article. Wired Magazine? I mean come on; who reads Wired Magazine? I got the highlights of the interview from CNN. He may have been joking. But for the purposes of this article and my feelings for Hollywood I am assuming that he was serious. He was serious I tells ya!

Then I remembered a book that was written by Mr. Pitt a few years ago. It was called Several Great Ideas to Live By, By Brad Pitt*. It had a very moving foreword written by South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford. It’s a long book but very insightful. Let me share with you just a couple of passages from this wonderful tome.

From Chapter 1, How to Stay in Shape, Brad writes;

“I like to run at night, wearing nothing but a black shirt and black sweat pants. I find that sometimes I forget to cut the tags off of my shirts, so I always run with a pair of scissors in my hand. Nothing is better to start a workout than a shot of Old Crow whiskey. When my 6 mile run ends, I like to rehydrate myself with some Mad Dog 20 20 and a Kit Kat.”

As I leafed through the pages of this book, which you can buy online for $22.95, I was amazed at the brilliance of every point. As a tribute to Billy Mays, if you order the book today they will throw in a box of Mighty Putty. Before you decide to purchase the book, let me give you another sample of what Brad Pitt thinks is a great idea to live by.

Chapter 5, How to Find the Perfect Woman.

“Some guys would take the safe route and try to marry America’s sweetheart. Boring!! No, what you need to do is find someone who seems like she is off her rocker. You know, the kind of gal that would carry a vile of her boyfriend’s blood around her neck as some sort of vampire type pendant. Find that gal! Marry her! Then travel the world and try to adopt seven kids from eight different countries. That’s bliss my friend”

So there you have it. According to Brad, use your phone at the urinal. While you are at it, run with scissors, drink cheap hooch and marry crazy. On a side note, I recommend never borrowing Brad’s cell phone to make a call….

*Warning. The Brad Pitt book may be a figment of Fingers Malloy’s imagination, as we are not sure that Brad Pitt has ever read a book let alone authored one.

Fingers Malloy is the host of The Snark Factor with Fingers Malloy heard every Tuesday and Friday at 4PM EDT on  www.rfcradio.com. His website is www.fingersmalloy.com.