How To Send Keith Olbermann Into Space

  

61814 comments so far (is that a lot?)http://www.parcbench.com/2009/09/03/how-to-send-keith-olbermann-into-space/How+To+Send+Keith+Olbermann+Into+Space2009-09-03+04%3A45%3A12Ryan+Anthony

Written by Ryan AnthonycloseAuthor: Ryan Anthony Name: Ryan Anthony
Email: mica1884@gmail.com
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About: 20-something Tennessee Journalism student and relentless sports fan.See Authors Posts (214) on September 3, 2009

Have you ever just wanted to tie someone to a rocket and shoot them to the sun, Bugs Bunny-style? Are you looking to get someone out of your life permanently? If you’re willing to settle for a planet less than two hundred times the size of the sun, there are people out there working to make your voice heard and those chances a reality.

In an idea straight out of the new TV series “Defying Gravity,” Arizona State University physicist Lawrence M. Krauss is hard at work pitching the possibility of astronauts being sent to Mars.  Whether such a milestone in man’s plodding approach to the stars will be completed by 2042, the deadline conceptualized in “Forever Knight” creator James Parriott’s space opera, is anyone’s guess.

But this isn’t like any other feel-good proposition echoed by those convinced we have money to throw away on space exploration – whether as a return to our own lonely gray satellite, or a foray into parts hitherto unknown via probes.  Should Krauss’ vision be realized, NASA SOP will be amended to send astronauts one-way so they can live and die on the Red Planet as a cost-cutting measure.

(I can just see it now . . . death panels selecting our future astronauts.)

The Carleton University undergraduate’s exploratory yen was summed up in his words by Shepard Smith two days ago:

“. . . the rationale for one-way trips into space has both historical and practical roots. Colonists and pilgrims seldom set off for the New World with the expectation of a round trip.”

All points regarding the British Crown’s ability to finance their journeys, or an atmosphere in want of loneliness onboard your average galleon, aside . . . Hasn’t Lawrence already missed the boat?  The “one trip, one way” option was advanced by James McLane three years ago in his SEARCH Magazine piece “One-Way Ticket to Mars,” where it was, in effect, touted as Martian reality TV:

“He or she would know that, back home, concern and sympathy was consuming everyone. We would watch the astronaut’s every move via live television, relish struggles for self-preservation, celebrate innovation, and of course admire bravery. International tensions would diminish when most of the world tunes in to this dramatic situation. We would all become aware that man has a common bond transcending culture or religion. This singular event could usher in a new age of global fraternity.”

Today, as it did back then, this reeks of naivete. It’s a safe bet that the whackaloons in charge of Iran and North Korea aren’t going to want to find their channel changers.

Much like ABC’s crew of eight on-board the Antares, which will continue its inexorable march in the other direction this Sunday after “Shark Tank,” any spacefarer willing to brave the tens of millions of miles to Mars wouldn’t be able to return to Earth – on account of radiation poisoning incurred during the six-month trip. Krauss has already admitted the possibility of death; in light of that, sending one or even a handful of astronauts to the Red Planet without proper Earth-Mars communications or medical equipment seems downright immoral.

I’d definitely approve of it to send Keith Olbermann into space: if his show Countdown were to be broadcast from Mars, its “Worst Person in the World” segment would suddenly become much more entertaining. And maybe it would actually get some viewers.

Of course, he can always wait on the plasma engines that promise to shorten a Mars trip to 40 days plus nuclear reactor.

Sending Keith to Mars means we can burn billions more in pursuit of a worthy cause. What’s not to love?

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