The Ladies Room: Perils of Online Dating

Written by Kristyn OstmancloseAuthor: Kristyn Ostman Name: Kristyn Ostman
Email: kristyn@parcbench.com
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About: Kristyn is a writer, an accountant an avid fan of rock music. She dreams of one day owning dishwasher. She enjoys reading Ayn Rand and Chelsea Handler. Unfortunately, she has never developed a taste for fine wines but cannot live without coffee. -Become a Fan of Kristyn Ostman on Facebook!See Authors Posts (47) on September 14, 2009

Meeting people online is becoming more of an necessity than ever before.

Even friends of mine who speak against it have revealed that they have at least made a profile but can’t bring themselves to pay for it yet. Personally, I don’t see what the big deal is. Lots of people are busy at work, doing additional school at night or even trying to find a way to afford those fantastic boots that match absolutely nothing they own.

So whether you’re honest about trying it or secretly viewing your account from a library 60 miles from your house, I have a few tips. I’ve amassed all my personal dating experience from careful investigation of more dating profiles than I care to admit.

How to Spot a Creeper:

1. Man not wearing a shirt. If he’s not at a beach or a pool in the photo, then he is a douche. All the nice guys I know do not spend their time taking glamour shots of their pecks. However, all the guys that I’ve known who have a “Look how hard I can flex”-pic on his MySpace/Facebook/Online Profile have some kind of deep and painful personality quirk. Run.

2. Man that loves French bulldogs. You’d think this would be too specific to become a general rule. It’s not. There were a enough profiles of men admitting how adorable bulldogs are to make this worth mentioning. Anyway, he’s clearly a mamma’s boy and you’re too busy to raise him.

3. Man with other girls in his photos. Even if they’re not old girlfriends, he can’t take a new photo or at least crop her out? He’s too busy for you. Move along.

4. Man that has no picture. He’s far too ashamed to admit that’s how you met. He’s probably got many other things he’s afraid to admit as well.

5. Man with mostly empty profile. All he has to do is talk about himself and he’s got nothing to say! Additionally, if he’s paying to use a dating site then he’s wasting his money. This dude has no personality and is bad with finances. Pretty sure you already dated him and that’s why you’re trying an online service.

6. Man who doesn’t use grammar or punctuation. He can’t be bothered, he doesn’t care about making a good impression, or he’s just too stupid. Whatever the reason, do you really care?

7. Man drinking in majority of his photos. Sure, he’s the life of the party and he’s obviously into bar hopping and nightlife. Consider the fact that his one and only true love might be St. Pauli Girl. Find someone with more diverse interests. Remember: Drinking is not a hobby.

8. Man talking about how insanely awesome he is. I actually read a profile where the guy claimed he was “never boring.” He also said he’s wealthy and constantly jet-setting to Europe…even if this is true, all it proves is that despite his awesomeness, he’s still single. In all likelihood, he’s a liar with delusions of grandeur.

9. Man who is clearly desperate. You don’t need to be his life coach.

10. Man who emails you and asks you about yourself. This might sound innocuous, but clearly he didn’t read your profile. He’s not looking for a relationship, if he was then he’d ask thoughtful questions about things he read within your profile.

Good luck out there, ladies. Happy hunting!