House – Season 6 Premiere

  

77823 comments so far (is that a lot?)http://www.parcbench.com/2009/09/23/house-season-6-premiere/House+-+Season+6+Premiere2009-09-23+13%3A09%3A53Ryan+Anthony

Written by Ryan AnthonycloseAuthor: Ryan Anthony Name: Ryan Anthony
Email: mica1884@gmail.com
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About: 20-something Tennessee Journalism student and relentless sports fan.See Authors Posts (214) on September 23, 2009

I count myself among the fans of acerbic and superintelligent Doctor Gregory House; which explains why I ended up in front of the TV for the two hour premiere of Season 6.

Let’s kick things off at the fictitious Mayfield Psychiatric Hospital, with a montage reminiscent of eight-millimeter home movies, showing House’s emotional decline. Turns out banging on doors wasn’t enough to get a pass home; his primary psychiatrist Dr. Nolan (Andre Braugher of Homicide: Life on the Street) won’t let House go – or restore his license to practice medicine – without a thorough detox.

So House packs his bags, bunking in Room 16 of Mayfield’s psych ward with the manic depressive, obvious ADHD sufferer and wannabe Michael Jackson Juan Alvarez, portrayed by Lin-Manuel Miranda of Broadway notoriety.

It doesn’t take long for J.A. to get under Dr. House’s skin (and mine) to the point where he requests a new room; the episode’s singular annoyance may as well have been the main attraction at the Dark Carnival. All of his new friends – one claustrophobe, one cutter and one paranoid named Richter – eventually exacerbate the matter and drive House to the point of suicide-related wisecracking.

Bad move . . . Go to padded jail, do not pass GO, collect 200 milligrams.

House switches into creepy stalker mode, ordering Juan to commit B&E in Nolan’s office to find any calendar entries sporting the name of the psychiatrist’s female contact later that day. No joy. Whole date taken up by giant red crosshatch.

Risque and homicidal uses for kitchen implements give way to House playing whack-a-mole with Juan’s face (at the rapper’s behest) during a showing of Family Guy. This attracts the attention of Doctor Beasley (Megan Dodds, and Gail of Lie to Me), who then declares a Code Red to the tune of orderlies shoving pills into House’s mouth. Lock down again for our antihero.

No padded room this time, nothing swallowed and no luck calling Wilson, who I’m surprised is still talking to the man after all the crap he’s taken for the past five seasons. This forces Princeton’s Maverick to Plan B: develop some pretense of cooperation with staff. Cue House playing basketball, pretending to pop pills, and performing as accomplice in a weird cards-for-cigarettes scheme. As a poker player I can attest to the fact their game seemed more like 52 Pick Up – cards in the air – and less like Texas Hold ‘Em.

After the commercial break, Dr. Greg finds himself enduring the Major League Baseball treatment due to doctors skeptical of those pill chomping pretenses. Usually, I believe people want to cheat out of a positive result on drug tests — however, he tries to cheat into them with dirty samples of number one from another patient.

Back to the Mayfield common area. We viewers learn the source of Steve (Aussie actor Derek Richardson)’s breakdown, as his inability to budge a five hundred pound piano ends up correlating to the helplessness he and many others experienced upon the deaths of their loved ones at the hands of Islamic terrorists; the futile wish of thousands that they might lift five hundred pound masses of steel out of the way with their bare hands.

Helping to do for 9/11 bereaved on the small screen what “Rambo” did for veterans on the big screen, it not only makes a point about the emotional and mental stresses placed on people, but also declares a willingness to categorize such actions for what they are – evil – instead of morally ambiguous as the left would like them to be. Like Freedom Master and the psychiatrist at his side, the soldiers fighting for our freedom and American values aren’t superhuman, they’re just regular people doing their jobs.

Speaking of regular people, Susan has now readied herself to rejoin society. Let her – as the Romans said – eat cake, Steve eat Valium, and House eat . . . sugar? Last plan busted – his pills were switched with placebos. So in a last ditch effort to brass Nolan off, House drives to the carnival in order to simulate skydiving with a (finally responsive) Freedom Master. High on joy, but still delusional, Steve decides to dive off the car park.

Ouch.

This was only the first hour; the next sees a new relationship between glutton for punishment Nolan and our titular Van Gogh in a tux, but the endangered status of that with Alvarez.  Hilarity ensues in formal function intended to test House’s people skills.  Jokes regarding philandering, sexuality and marriage abound.

Speed date from Hell hits another level when Lydia refers to House as her husband. Uh-oh. From that point on, the subplot develops into their lack of conjoined understanding regarding the Seventh Commandment, much like that of Kanye regarding his brain-to-mouth filter.

Let’s play treasure-seeking pirate; find the source of our red X, then party like its ten years ago at the nut house talent competition. Since the guy that won’t shut up is finally at a loss for words I’ll contribute a few of my own: You suck, Juan!

So it’s time for House to run interference, as the man of many talents; the antithesis of Obama’s Teleprompter and the . . . suburban thug wanna-be?

Curtain falls with the married sea bass relocating her family to Phoenix and House relocating on a Jersey-bound bus, fixing to perform his best Ralph Kramden impression for Cuddy.

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