Ultimate Fighter Season 10 Episode 3: The Enemy
Written by Ryan Anthony on October 2, 2009
A true TiVO-holic like myself never misses an episode of his favorite @$s kicking. I know some of you are now hooked on the UFC like Michael Moore on Twinkies; thusly I come, bearing a write up of the third foray into the seclusion that is the Ultimate Fighter household.
As the episode opens, at the crack of the orange Nevada dawn, we see Kimbo and Abe conversing about the former’s prayer time at the Ultimate Fighter house; as he puts it, a time of “putting everything in perspective between him and G-d.” Kimbo slaps down any suggestion of a newer and gentler Slice, ascribing to it the permanent status of oxymoron.
The conversation takes on a darker flair, though, as Kimbo echoes sentiments that would be better left to movies from Charlie Sheen’s pre-Truther days: the enemy within (and the Enemy down below, by logical extension) are presenting the K-man with his worst problems.
Schoonover chats it up over morning drinks, and an independent Roy confides to us watching back home that he believes Kimbo was “thrown in the limelight too fast.” That’s very possible: after all, how much experience can a streetfighter known almost solely from the series of YouTubes be expected to have in MMA?
Wittman and Roy begin the day together on the black mat, ‘shad confesses one of their goals with Nelson to be enticing him in a backwards fall on a car insurance gecko, and Keith “the Dean of Mean” Jardine arrives to fill in the role of another assistant coach for Team Sugar.
After shaking hands; joking around about the destruction laid on Rampage’s jaw, and the coaches arguing together (during which Rampage asserts Evans’ breath is stanky enough to knock down dancing Iceman Chuck Liddell,) they get down to work. Or not. R.J., turning the sour notes up an octave, would then embark on marble-mouthed caricatures of accented Briton James McSweeney.
That ain’t all. Making the imminence of what I shall call his “Kanye West moment” on national TV clear, he then confesses his secret wish that McSweeney would – and I quote – “take his nuts out of Rashad’s mouth.”
Score another one for class, ladies und gentlemens — it’s clear these ain’t boxing’s long gone role models of Joe Louis and Joe Frazier.
Past profit timeout. Slice talks of needing an eating regimen, continues his physical regimen, and jokes about his lack of a grooming regimen. Chicken bones in the big man’s beard, or maybe a few human bones here and there, would no doubt provide a defense all his own for passengers on the belly express. Nelson oughta watch it or like the kid in “A Christmas Story,” he’ll poke his eye out with an inadvertent shot.
Assistant coach Tiki Ghosn gives Kimbo a pep talk on his way out of the Octagon; five members of Team Sugar talk of bobbleheads next to the Ultimate Fighter house pool; the second commercial gives way to Rampage arriving late for his own team’s training.
It looks like something may be wrong with Marcus, the man who initially had very strong words for those seeking to distance football players from the NFL. As Rampage wants Jones to be in top condition, which makes sense, said coach objects to Jones’ burning desire to lay waste to the Octagon with a bum knee. Jones has his doubts, insinuating that Quinton is holding him back.
The show switches to lighter tones: Nelson and Jones pal around in the TUF house kitchen, and “Bubba the Love Sponge’s” guest confuses the house for an eHarmony personality test.
After a few manly hugs, as well as some words, between the defensive end and offensive brawler . . . we’re shown weigh in, warm ups and then fight day, which sees Kimbo playing matador and Nelson sparring in the Team Rashad lounge. After ‘bo imitates Diamond Dallas Page for the viewers at home, the fight commences:
Round one, Kimbo successfully stays out of range of Roy’s jabs for a few seconds, then delivers a low kick. Nothing else really happens for a minute and a half . . . jab ,defend, jab, defend. Until 3:09, at which Kimbo finally forces Big Country to the cage and they interlock arms for a while – nine seconds to be exact. Roy then gets the upper hand, more or less holding him to 1:33. From that point on, their game goes down to the mat. Nelson’s gut rubs in the Bearded One’s face, and none too soon the round is over.
Second go: Roy goes on the offense within 30 seconds, scoops Kimbo up and slams him on the mat, then isolates his elbow with a knee @ 3:47 to likely prevent shots to his big gut. Then, Roy flails at the prostrate Kimbo like either a girl or a fish out of water.
TKO in Roy’s favor, Slice now gone. Everyone bear witness to the fitness of . . . uhm, well, okay, not necessarily a truly fit . . . Nelson, who coronates his win by invoking Burger King metaphors and ordering the judges to get him a Double Whopper with cheese. I’m hoping I saw that wrong, really, I am; don’t let me down now and tell me the Las Vegan is feeding his ego along with his stomach.
Despite Kimbo’s closing remarks, it’s possible he may be back next episode — Marcus bit off a lot more than he can chew. Stay tuned.
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Chaniwa（チャニワ、ちゃにわ）オフィシャルブログ : 理想のハンバーガー « The Growing Fast Food Problem
October 2nd, 2009 at 9:17 am
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