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The Ladies Room: Economics of Friendship

Written by in Lifestyle on 26 October 2009

tasha_weddingWedding. Rite of passage. Joyous occasion uniting two families. Financial fraud.

Wouldn’t it be great if proper etiquette permitted you to get your gift back if the couple wasn’t working hard to remain happily married? Granted, that’s unbelievably subjective. You can’t measure happiness. Clearly, I’m being ridiculous!

But what if the couple separates in less than a year? What if they didn’t even attempt counseling? That might prove you made a bad investment.

It sounds harsh. I don’t care. Is it unreasonable? If a company misstates financial information and draws investors based on a lie, then those investors might be entitled to damages. I gave my time and hard-earned money to invest in your union. I am put under the assumption that you took the time to straighten out all your problems prior to the invitations going out.

Since college, loads of friends and acquaintances have taken the trip down the aisle. Just getting to a wedding tends to be pricey. Between gifts, travel expenses and having to possibly get a new outfit, the costs go up fast. Let’s pair this with the fact that I’ve seen a disturbing number of couples getting married young and divorced, or at least estranged, after a few months or years.

I’d rather take all that money and burn it than waste it on people who hoodwinked me into devoting cash to their charade. Marriage is work. And money is tight these days. Especially if you’re in your twenties, you try to be as frugal as possible. Then again, I usually end up spending all that hard-saved cash on a fantastic pair of boots. (Boots…sometimes more important than food.)

I can’t guarantee the couple won’t wreck the blender I bought or spend the cash. Also, there’s no assurance they wouldn’t be offended and keep everything out of spite. (Anyway, if their marriage is going down the toilet, then they’re probably not in the mood to see this logically.) So I have devised a way to solve this problem. Ransom your gift.

If you feel the couple is shaky, or if your bride-to-be friend has admitted that she ‘just wants to get married already,’ then don’t give a gift. Drop an IOU in the card. When they’ve hit their 1-year anniversary, send them the cash. Cash is a better gift anyway.

If you want to get really snarky, include interest.

Kristyn Ostman

Columnist, The Ladies Room. Kristyn is a writer, an accountant an avid fan of rock music. She dreams of one day owning dishwasher. She enjoys reading Ayn Rand and Chelsea Handler. Unfortunately, she has never developed a taste for fine wines. She takes her coffee black, no sugar.

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10 Comments - Leave a comment!

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  • http://intensedebate.com/people/kelleng16 john k.

    being in your 20's and having to fork out for all the same generic crap from all these registries gets olddddd. so impersonal anyway. it's one big corporatism.

  • yarngasm

    You said it, sister. How do I know that my not-so-close friends will really use that cookie sheet set and cheese grater?

  • Joe

    I concur. I'd much rather save my money for selfish yet practical purposes, like beer or a second Snuggie.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/kelleng16 john k.

      are dining room candlesticks comparable to a dog snuggie?

  • Jorrahn

    well, if you were truly investing in the couple by giving a blender… then you would expect some form of returm… say over the next 10 yrs, you would expect a x% of the drinks made with that blender to go to you. It is more like a tax (against the friendship) or even closer an HOA fee for attending the wedding (and much like a home owners association, they reserve the right to tell you how to adorn your property in their presence).

  • Tina K

    I think part of the problem is that you're buying inappropriate gifts. Its the thought that counts. Why buy a blender for a couple that spends all their time fighting. Buy a matched his-and-her knife set, or pay for their therapy well before they admit to needing it. Put a security deposit down on an apartment so when they split they both have a place to stay. Traditional gifts don't work in the modern all-about-me world.

  • Chris

    If I spent spent lots of money on a gift I'd totally want my money back. However, I'd probably have more luck asking Obama for my country back!!!!!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/rogerfreberg rogerfreberg

    hmmm… I am not so concerned about the idea of getting something of value back… but I do like the idea that by getting it back you are sending the two flibbertygibbets a message of your personal sadness and disappointment.

    Marriage should be viewed as a journey through life with someone of consequence… a commitment to love and friendship. Laura and I have been married since we were 20 ( I am 57 now) and I wouldn't trade the bumps and bruises along the way for anything.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/rogerfreberg rogerfreberg

    hmmm… I am not so concerned about the idea of getting something of value back… but I do like the idea that by getting it back you are sending the two flibbertygibbets a message of your personal sadness and disappointment.