The Torturous Top 40

  

93253 comments so far (is that a lot?)http://www.parcbench.com/2009/10/28/the-torturous-top-40/The+Torturous+Top+40+2009-10-28+14%3A20%3A27Greg+Victor

Written by Greg VictorcloseAuthor: Greg Victor Name: Greg Victor
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About: Greg Victor (Parcbench Culture Editor) is a historian, pop culture critic, and theatrical dramaturg and has stage managed theatrical productions on Broadway and on tour, including Billy Joel's "Movin' Out", Monty Python's "Spamalot" and more.See Authors Posts (225) on October 28, 2009

One man’s torture is another man’s iPod. This is nothing new.

“The quickest way to a person’s brain is through his eye,
but even in the movies the quickest way to his heart and
feelings is still through his ear.”
–Aaron Copland (New York Times, March 10, 1940)

Music has its uses.

Using annoying music has been an effective means of controlling loitering for years. The “Manilow Method” as it has become known, born in the suburbs in Australia, was recently adopted by a California city I once lived in. In order to inhibit the regular gathering of violent young ‘punks’ and ‘goths’ in the Courthouse Square, the Santa Rosa, California city council piped in classical music. Guess what? It made the loiterers incredibly annoyed and unwanted. So they left. And the downtown sidewalks were available for anyone to use as they visited the shops and restaurants.

Ah, the power of Euterpe.

We think of music as something that is merely heard. We don’t realize the role it plays in our daily existence. We are not just passive recipients of it. This is a result of its ubiquity. No matter where we are during our daily lives, music is often constant. Elevators have the reputation of being the classic locale where humans must suffer involuntarily listening to music, but I can’t think of a single elevator I’ve been in recently that had music playing. Instead, music seems to everywhere else; stores, restaurants, health clubs, while you’re on hold on the phone, when you’re just buckling into an airplane for a redeye flight and trying to fall asleep, when you are held captive in a subway car and choosing between someone’s loud, ineffective earphones and the illegal alien forcing you to hear his latest Peruvian folk music. It’s everywhere! Even the famous dating website is called EHarmony.

Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against music, or I wouldn’t love fulfilling my duties as a music critic for Parcbench.com so much. I’m just pointing out the effectiveness of music to perform in ways other than simply listening. Consider this…

Recently there was a concert in support of closing Guantanamo. A few of the bands playing expressed outrage about the use of their music (with no royalties being paid) by the U.S. government in the past several years. A U.S. Senate report has revealed that songs by a number of the acts (including R.E.M., Nine Inch Nails and Pearl Jam) were used to annoy and stress-out the prisoners by being played at very high volume. How fantastic is that?

In a statement, R.E.M. said that they were horrified to learn that their songs may have been used as part of the tactics, and they called it “anti-American.” For all we know, of course, the “Barney” theme song may have led to the breakdown of a terrorist and saved lives. Thank you, Barney. You’re my friend!

And so, here it is… the full list of artists or songs used in the interrogations:

- AC/DC
- Aerosmith
- ‘Barney the Dinosaur’ theme song
- The Bee Gees
- Britney Spears
- Bruce Springsteen
- Christina Aguilera
- David Gray
- Deicide
- Don McLean
- Dope
- Dr. Dre
- Drowning Pool
- Eminem
- Hed P.E.
- James Taylor
- Limp Bizkit
- Marilyn Manson
- Matchbox Twenty
- Meatloaf
- Meow Mix Jingle
- Metallica
- Neil Diamond
- Nine Inch Nails
- Pink
- Prince
- Queen
- Rage Against the Machine
- Red Hot Chili Peppers
- Redman
- Saliva
- Sesame Street Theme Music
- Stanley Brothers
- ‘The Star Spangled Banner’
- Tupac Shakur

What? No Ethel Merman? No Neil Young? I’m sorry, but I would have given anything to be on the team that created this list of music programming. Where is “The Time Warp,” “Macarena,” “My Heart Will Go On,” and “Livin’ La Vida Loca”? The list is almost endless.

Which reminds me… Just a head’s up — I’ll be reviewing Bob Dylan’s newly released Christmas album soon. (I’m serious).

Can’t you see a majority of the musicians on this list making a recording (and a video) to benefit the terrorists in response? Something with a title like “We Arm the World,” maybe? Stay tuned, the surreal will eventually give way to the absurd.

It all reminds of a dream I once had. I dreamed a dream of a time in which Osama bin Laden (remember him?) would, when captured, be forced to ride in the high-security Pope-Mobile type car in a ticker-tape parade down the middle of Times Square. The last thing he would see would be the surviving and thriving culture of the epicenter of the city he wished he could obliterate. But didn’t. The Radio City Rockettes would be performing their famous high-kicks as they escorted him all the way down Broadway, en route to his execution. Along the way, the float would stop and he’d be given a slice of Famous Ray’s pizza, or maybe a Nathan’s hot dog. His last meal would be quintessentially New York.

Come to think of it – maybe it’d be better to drop him from the top of the pole in Times Square on New Year’s Eve. And just for tradition, we can make sure all the speakers are blasting “Auld Lang Syne.”

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