Ultimate Fighter 10 Episode 8: One Soldier Left

Written by Ryan AnthonycloseAuthor: Ryan Anthony Name: Ryan Anthony
Email: mica1884@gmail.com
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About: 25 year old Tennessee resident and small government conservative. I first discovered my love of writing while working for a high school newspaper; that was eight years ago. Now I'm studying for an Associate's Degree in journalism. My favorite topics to cover for Parcbench include contact sports and television.See Authors Posts (34) on November 5, 2009

Rat Mitrione is staying another week, and Rampage ain’t happy.

That was the final verdict of last week’s Ultimate Fighter episode, which left a bad taste in the mouths of a lot of people – as the episode opens, we get to see construction material be murdered all over again and split into three huge pieces surrounded by just enough microscopic detritus to make a jigsaw puzzle out of.

Rampage, that kind of destruction is not “disgusted,” that’s “booking a reservation at the crowbar hotel,” for which more than a few NFL stars must possess VIP status.

But that doesn’t matter. We could fill a whole webserver with the rap sheets of Pacman Jones et als., but if we were to do that we wouldn’t be able to bring you the good stuff.

Tonight, the Ultimate Fighter house brought us a rattling of Matt’s brain which was commemorated by the Project in a fashion similar to the late night Burger King commercials. The Ultimate Fighter gym, not far behind, brought us Rampage’s single-minded obsession and his team’s first exercise of the episode.

We rejoin the house mates with another moment in the rumpus room of blood: Wren swats the hell out of a scorpion, or spider, or . . . whatever it was, as Marcus does his best impression of the cockroach-phobic Channel 6 weatherman, to what we can decidedly infer as his embarrassment. This, he tries to compensate for further on into the episode.

Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m not personally in the habit of playing Freud, and try to steer away from the role of armchair psychiatrist as often as I can. I don’t like telling people what they’re thinking, because like the Austrian, I too can be wrong. But that was too good to pass up.

Mike writes an emotional letter to the cancer-stricken wife he left in Slick Willy’s home state, after which a Team Rashad training session gets underway. Ever the student, Mike practices fiercely and avails himself of advice given by his coaches for a while.

This man has the eye of the tiger and the hunger of Rosie O’Donnell: a figurative lust for victory, one that spares the buffet table its wrath.

Brendan and James, post-Jackson PT, engage in some good-natured nightly ribbing of Marcus. The big baby (who looked as though he was going to cry seeing the pictures drawn of him) responded by bringing to the UFC’s protracted interview process a zero tolerance policy that would make Cub Scouts toting all-purpose sporks wince. I can understand wanting to spare your family and children from viewing your unnecessary murder in the ring, but I give Marcus’ rationale – on the whole – as much credit as I could throw him with.

If your kids were watching the show, M.J., it’s very likely they’d forget the offense tomorrow and love you in spite of who thinks you suck balls.

Marcus and Kimbo are beginning to have more in common than initially thought: the sponge-like and insatiable need for wisdom imparted unto themselves, a camaraderie between two fathers, and so on.

In other news, Darrill and Rampage share an uneasy hug, and try to bury the hatchet. Rampage confesses what I knew all along, that certain things just aren’t worth getting mad over. His roving hands confuse Darrill for a stripper. As a result, Darrill doesn’t think Rampage is being serious.

What a surprise.

The duo weigh in. On fight day both Marcus and Mike get wrapped up . . . warm up . . . and man up.

Our ten minutes begin with the usual pleasantries, after which they’re off. Both fighters came out swinging early, but Marcus – later referred to by Rampage as the “Black Mummy” for his clunky advancement and reaching style – was the first to bring his opponent to the ground and the one to experience victory, after what Rashad observed was the quickest arm bar he’d ever seen. Not even we at Parcbench could spot Jones’ insanely fast moves, and we have everything at our disposal ranging from high-definition TV’s to fast computers working on the matter. But one thing we will readily admit isn’t in our bag of tricks, is a slow-mo instant replay analyzer.

We tried paying a Major League Baseball umpire to walk us through the process and the blazing fast tap, but alas, without a positive cash flow money is hard to come by.

It doesn’t take wads of cash to put two and two together and come up with the result:

For all his prior difficulties training and coping with stress, Marcus has risen from the smoke and carnage of the battlefield to hold Team Quinton’s standard aloft and secure for his coach that win he so desperately desired; a bulwark against Rampage’s mental cascade failure.

So now it comes to this stage of the season: Rashad’s team members have been driven to pugilistic cannibalism for want of food. Quarter-final fights are planned by Dana before the conclusion of the episode: Big Ego Nelson vs. Justin, Brendan vs. John, James vs. Matt and Big Baby vs. Titties. Even after a 7-1 defeat and Rashad’s offer to train all the fighters in the house, Kimbo is choosing to stick with Rampage.

You have to admire the man’s loyalty; it’s a kind that is regrettably seen very little in the political arena, where wavering between two polar opposites and sitting on the fence is celebrated.