The 2009 CMA Awards will rock… but will they country?

Written by Greg VictorcloseAuthor: Greg Victor Name: Greg Victor
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About: Greg Victor (Parcbench Culture Editor) is a historian, pop culture critic, and theatrical dramaturg and has stage managed theatrical productions on Broadway and on tour, including Billy Joel's "Movin' Out", Monty Python's "Spamalot" and more.See Authors Posts (97) on November 11, 2009

The CMA Awards (Country Music Association), hosted by Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood, will be broadcast live from Nashville on Wednesday night (at 8:00 PM ET on ABC), but there won’t be much authentic Nashville in it. Over the past decade (I still blame Shania Twain) as “country” music has sold more CDs and downloads, it has also sold-out in many ways.

Last week country music legend George Jones told it like it is: (Carrie Underwood and Taylor Swift) “had to use something that was established already, and that’s traditional country music. So what they need to do, really, I think, is find their own title, because they’re definitely not traditional country music… It’s good to know that we still do traditional country music. Alan Jackson still does it, so does George Strait. We still have it, and there’s quite a few of us that are going to hope that it comes back one of these days.”

If there’s still a God in country heaven, George Strait will climb the stairs to accept an award at the CMA Awards. But they way the authentic country fans are being outnumbered by rock fans who used to find their type of music on AM radio (which has now become nothing but oldies and the soundtrack to illegal immigrant lives), this will be one of his last. Chances are that Taylor Swift, and her inevitable imitators, will continue to win most of the awards for her strong sales and pop/rock music.

Last year’s CMT Awards subjected us to a painful duet with Taylor Swift and Def Leppard, and she even rapped with T-Pain. That was also painful. To end the show, Sugarland took the cobwebs off the B-52s with a head-scratchingly, jaw-droppingly bad version of “Love Shack.” All of it was quite obnoxious and desperate and it pointed out just how deeply country music’s inferiority complex has grown.

I can’t predict what music crossover disasters are in store for us Wednesday night in the name of television ratings, but here’s a list of what to expect with the awards themselves:

ENTERTAINER OF THE YEAR
Kenny Chesney
Brad Paisley
George Strait
Taylor Swift
Keith Urban
Who Should Win: Kenny Chesney
Who Will Win: Taylor Swift. Thank you Kanye West for making this a done deal. Also, Taylor was on Oprah twice this year.

FEMALE VOCALIST OF THE YEAR
Miranda Lambert
Martina McBride
Reba McEntire
Taylor Swift
Carrie Underwood
Who Should Win: Martina McBride
Who Will Win: Taylor Swift. She doesn’t even belong in this category, but she was smart enough to write pop music but still add a fiddle and banjo. So she must deserve it.

MALE VOCALIST OF THE YEAR
Kenny Chesney
Brad Paisley
Darius Rucker
George Strait
Keith Urban
Who Should Win: George Strait
Who Will Win: George Strait. If there’s any hope left in country music, it is that George Strait will continue putting out authentic country music. His latest album “Twang” is one of his best. But then again, Brad Paisley is hosting and he puts on a great concert.

NEW ARTIST OF THE YEAR
Randy Houser
Jamey Johnson
Jake Owen
Darius Rucker
Zac Brown Band
Who Should Win: Jake Owen
Who Will Win: Darius Rucker. This is an easy one. Of course the award should go to the guy who isn’t country at all. Heck, the Hootie and the Blowfish’s Darius Rucker might even win Best Male Vocalist with the way authentic country music has been fading away.

VOCAL GROUP OF THE YEAR
Eagles
Lady Antebellum
Little Big Town
Rascal Flatts
Zac Brown Band
Who Should Win: Zac Brown Band
Who Will Win: Rascal Flatts. No brainer. Again. And again. And again. They’ll win this one not for their latest album, but for selling so many copies of the previous albums.

VOCAL DUO OF THE YEAR
Big & Rich
Brooks & Dunn
Joey + Rory
Montgomery Gentry
Sugarland
Who Should Win: Sugarland
Who Will Win: Brooks & Dunn. They announced their retirement just in time for awards season.

SINGLE OF THE YEAR
“Chicken Fried” (Zac Brown Band)
“I Run To You” (Lady Antebellum)
“In Color” (Jamey Johnson)
“People Are Crazy” (Billy Currington)
“Then” (Brad Paisley)
Who Should Win: “People Are Crazy” (Billy Currington)
Who Will Win: “People Are Crazy” (Billy Currington). Remind me again what the difference is between “Song of the Year” and “Single of the Year”… I still like “Chicken Fried” as much as fried chicken, but any song that works as well as Billy Currington’s deserves something.

ALBUM OF THE YEAR
American Saturday Night (Brad Paisley)
Defying Gravity (Keith Urban)
Fearless (Taylor Swift)
Love On The Inside (Sugarland)
That Lonesome Song (Jamey Johnson)
Who Should Win: Jamey Johnson.
Who Will Win: Fearless (Taylor Swift). A lot of people aren’t country music fans, and a lot of people bought this album. She had a very highly rated episode on Saturday Night Live last weekend, so of course she’ll win best album. Most importantly, Taylor frequently Twitters and updates her myspace page.

MUSICAL EVENT OF THE YEAR
“Cowgirls Don’t Cry” – (Brooks & Dunn with Reba McEntire)
“Down The Road” – (Kenny Chesney with Mac McAnally)
“Everything But Quits” – (Lee Ann Womack with George Strait)
“I Told You So” – (Carrie Underwood with Randy Travis)
“Old Enough” – (The Raconteurs with Ricky Skaggs and Ashley Monroe)
Who Should Win: “Everything But Quits” – (Lee Ann Womack with George Strait)
Who Will Win: “Cowgirls Don’t Cry” – (Brooks & Dunn with Reba McEntire). I’m OK with this one. I actually like country music.

SONG OF THE YEAR
“Chicken Fried” – (Zac Brown/Wyatt Durrette)
“I Told You So” – (Randy Travis)
“In Color” – (Jamey Johnson/Lee Thomas Miller/James Otto
“People Are Crazy” – (Bobby Braddock/Troy Jones)
“Then” – (Brad Paisley/Chris DuBois/Ashley Gorley)
Who Should Win: “People Are Crazy” – (Jamey Johnson/Lee Thomas Miller/James Otto)
Who Will Win: “People Are Crazy” – (Bobby Braddock/Troy Jones). It’s a hypnotic song that you can’t help but turn up and sing along to when you hear it on the radio. That… and it’s true, people are crazy.

MUSIC VIDEO OF THE YEAR
“Boots On” (Randy Houser)
“Love Story” (Taylor Swift)
“People Are Crazy” (Billy Currington)
“Start A Band” (Brad Paisley (duet with Keith Urban)
“Troubadour” (George Strait)
Who Should Win: “People Are Crazy” (Billy Currington)
Who Will Win: “Love Story” (Taylor Swift). Since it’s the award for video (and not music) she’s in her element. Also, she’s still a teenager. Also (see above), people are crazy.

MUSICIAN OF THE YEAR
Eddie Bayers – Drums
Paul Franklin – Steel Guitar
Dann Huff – Guitar
Brent Mason – Guitar
Mac McAnally – Guitar
Who Will Win: Brent Mason. These guys should all get together and cut an album. They’re all pretty amazing. But Mr. Mason is still the best.

Country wannabe Taylor Swift and Def Leppard’s Joe Elliott making horrible music together…
What should we expect next year – a Lifetime Achievement Award for Shania Twain?