Suzanne Somers Was Not Even A Good Sheriff, Now She Wants To Be Your Doctor

  

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Written by Fingers MalloycloseAuthor: Fingers Malloy Name: Fingers Malloy
Email: Fingers@ftrradio.com
Site: http://www.fingersmalloy.com
About: Host of The Snark Factor with Fingers Malloy on FTR Radio(www.ftrradio.com). Check out my website at www.fingersmalloy.com.See Authors Posts (19) on November 18, 2009

I am not a big fan of Newsweek. But every once in a while it is worth something. Patrice Wingert recently had a post on the Newsweek Human Condition Blog about a new book authored by Suzanne Somers. Ms. Somers’ tome; Knockout, Interviews with Doctors Who Are Curing Cancer, is a look at “alternative medicine” as an option for the treatment of certain cancers.

I love Suzanne Somers. Let’s face it, we should all look as good as she does when we turn 80 years old. But she is NOT a doctor. I have family members that hate doctors. I worry that they would turn to a book like this if they were diagnosed with cancer as apposed to actually getting medical treatment from a trained professional.

Hey, who would choose chemotherapy over tying a turnip to your belt while singing a Rick Astley song? (Author’s note; that is not a cure suggested in her book. Yes I am mocking alternative medicine, let the crazy hate mail begin.)

Suzanne Somers was first turned on to alternative medicine after co-starring in the TV sitcom Step by Step with Patrick Duffy. Duffy is best known for his role as Bobby Ewing on the hit TV series Dallas. In that series, Bobby died after being run over by a car. However, because of alternative medicine, Bobby was brought back to life in a shower a year later thanks to his use of Pert Plus……. Okay, I made that up.

To sum up; Fingers Malloy believes that if you have cancer, get treatment from a trained professional. Listening to a lady who starred in Thighmaster commercials that resembled soft porn may seem like a great idea to some, but that way of thinking may end up thinning out the human population.

But if some of you insist on weird cures instead of going to a doctor for treatment, let me help you out.

To take away the symptoms of Scurvy, eat plenty of bacon with Pez while watching a Porky’s movie marathon.

If Lockjaw is your problem, rub orange marmalade on your face while…. You know what? Forget it. Go to a doctor!!!!!!!

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Fingers Malloy is the host of The Snark Factor with Fingers Malloy heard every Wednesday at 8PM EST on www.rfcradio.com. His website is www.fingersmalloy.com

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