Top Ten Bad Jokes of the Decade

Written by Ryan AnthonycloseAuthor: Ryan Anthony Name: Ryan Anthony
Email: mica1884@gmail.com
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About: 25 year old Tennessee resident and small government conservative. I first discovered my love of writing while working for a high school newspaper; that was eight years ago. Now I'm studying for an Associate's Degree in journalism. My favorite topics to cover for Parcbench include contact sports and television.See Authors Posts (34) on December 29, 2009

Since you’re browsing our website, which means that you have at least some desire to ingest current events from a source other than the mainstream media, we at Parcbench are going to assume you haven’t been living under a rock for the past ten years. As a pop culture outlet with our own distinctive flavor, we try to bring you important events ranging through A to Z from the moderate, independent, or conservative perspective.

But what about those happenings that a lot of people would rather be rid of by swishing brain bleach about in their heads? Pop culture is rife with gaffes; jokes; controversial statements, and needless to say those inhabiting the political arena end up being major players in 21st century kabuki theater. So naturally, a list of the top 10 bad jokes of the decade according to Parcbench seemed to be the best way to – according to vernacular – ring in a new one.

On to our ascending list of not-so-comedic disaster:

10: First, we touch on 2008. Martin Bashir, perhaps best known to some of us for his documentary interviews of Michael Jackson five years prior, joked that hot 20/20 colleague Juju Chang made his microphone buzz. If you get his – and our – drift you’ll realize it cleared the way for Bashir to have a future guesting on the Howard Stern Show.

9: The chronological beginning of our nightmare, 2000 saw the Kilborn-hosted Late Late Show’s “Snipers Wanted” blurb accompanying a televised picture of George W. Bush.

8: Just this year, the Office of Nationalized Entertainment pre-empted one of Jay’s Tonight Show broadcasts with a special announcement: that receiving the mantle of horrible bowler was akin to stepping forward for the Special Olympics.

7: Our septuple spot hearkens back to 2006, which also happened to be the year Harry Reid and his soldato took control of Congress. It rightfully belongs to John Kerry’s insult of the troops via wisecrack; he would toss the flame of stupidity to the XO of Parcbench’s “Idiot Hall of Fame” later that year. Before we tell you who won that honor, though, we head to . . .

6: The year after that, we had Kathy vs. Christ front and center at the Emmy Awards. Her show having won the award of “Outstanding Reality Program,” Ms. Griffin walked on stage to deliver an acceptance speech. In so doing, the self-professed outsider provided a shining example of why she is on the permanent D-list by inviting JC to “Suck it” and putting her Emmy on even keel with a golden calf with the words “This award is my god now.”

Unfortunately for her peers, it also happened to provide a shining example of why the relationship between Hollywood and faith is like unto oil and water.

Now that I feel like saying thirty Our Fathers just for quoting her, I’ll head to . . .

5: Air America, home of such laughingstocks as Rachel Maddow, wins our number five spot for permanent douchebaggery. After getting wind of their crude jokes involving the Catholic Church; assassination of public officials; their millionth comparison of prominent conservatives to Nazis and other not-so-goodies, People’s Automotive Company #1 pulled their advertisements from the aptly-named 1190 AM WLIB NY, now a gospel station.

4: Two-thousand-one. The year that America woke up to the threat posed by Islamic terrorism was also the year the eternally snarky Bill Maher woke up the wrath of Sears. After an episode of Politically Incorrect in which he gave the thumbs-up to the 19 9/11 hijackers and denigrated Americans as “cowards,” his series was pulled by ABC the following year amid vocal criticism. Cue irony of referring to anti-American sentiment and white guilt as politically incorrect – either then or now.

3: The knock-down-drag-out between ‘Show and ‘Cuda earlier this year takes our number 3 spot – hackish comedy material for Dave’s tired hour of the night resulted in a prolonged attention grab of Alaska’s then-Governor. Said attention grab came to a disgusting head when her teenage daughter Willow was dragged into it soon after. The usual bleeding off of advertisers took place, after which the profusely-apologizing DL would go on to star in his very own sex scandal. As an on-and-off fan of the balding one, until these stunts destroyed the fuse box for good, I can now attest to the fact that watching him do his thing is like watching an hour-long broadcast of the National Enquirer.

If such incoherent and randomized Palin hate had indeed led to his being 86ed from CBS, perhaps MSNBC would have opened their arms wide. Who knows.

2: Consider that torch passed, ladies and gentlemen – we now treat you to a flash-back upon Michael Richards, star of the show Kramer vs. Kyle. This 2006 firestorm featured Richards reminding a Laugh Factory heckler, with colorful six-letter words, of his odds to hang outside their fine establishment with a fork up his six. By invoking cutlery metaphors, it is our earnest opinion that Cosmo gave race-card-playing idiots obsessed with the word “picnic” much more ammunition than needed.

Post outburst, he did an excellent job engaging in the 100-yard dash to aforementioned Top Ten hot seat. Needless to say, no one was amused.

And this, finally, brings us to our top spot . . .

1: Two-thousand-five: With Operation Iraqi Freedom in full swing, the Big Apple’s hip-hop station Hot-97 WQHT proved it was much more than just a cesspool of profanity by giving the middle finger to the 280,000+ dead-or-gone in the Indian Ocean tsunami disaster. This, for anyone that doesn’t remember, was done with an ill-conceived bastardization of “We Are The World” entitled “USA for Indonesia.” Singing the virtues of child slavery and attracting the ever-present-hate groups, it resulted in a flurry of misdirected accusations of racism. WQHT dealt with it by firing two on-air personalities (including the mastermind of the affair, Rick Delgado) and suspending three others, such as recently-moved on afternoon host DJ Envy.

This writer remembers mentioning Sirius shock jock Howard Stern at some point in this article, and sure his show is no stranger to indecency, but it’s doubtful even he would do something like this.

Let’s hope for the sake of our eyes and ears, for nothing like these in the next ten years.

Have any other ideas? Let us know, but give us ample time to reach for the headache pills beforehand.