Dating. Probably the most humbling experience one could ever willingly engage in. Ever curious about what it would feel like to put a beating human heart into a blender?
Despite my own misadventures, I remain cautiously optimistic. At very least, I’ve got hilarious stories. Now, as a seasoned General in the mentally and emotionally detrimental experiences of Single Life, I feel qualified enough to comment on the plight of others.
Alexa Ray Joel, daughter of the timeless Billy Joel and romantically-challenged Christie Brinkley, was recently hospitalized after a traumatic break-up from her boyfriend. She released a statement about how she wants to give back to the community and speak out about Heartbreak-Related Depression. She’s even going back to college for psychology to learn more about it…
I smell a Lifetime movie!
It’s called life, Alexa. Suck it up. There’s no pill to ease the pain of a broken heart. (If there was, do you think it would be covered under health insurance?)
Break-ups can be intensely painful. But hospitalization for heartbreak? Stop being self-indulgent. It’s unattractive, to say the least.
Ladies, you are not permitted to do this. I am officially making a decree:
You are going to get up every day, shower, eat and get to work on time. You will not cry in the office bathroom. At home, you may sob and drink an entire bottle of red wine while watching reruns of Grey’s Anatomy. But you must pull it together the next day.
Like it or not, life goes on. Woman Law.
Look, I don’t want you to bury your feelings. However, every day that passes pushes this relationship farther into your history. This is a fact you cannot change and it was not the only commitment in your life.
Alexa Ray Joel has the cash flow to waste her time trying to apply scientific reason to why she was dumped. Sorry girls, your daddy is not the Piano Man.
You do not have the time or money for a nervous breakdown. You have a job. You have bills. (You have to read the next Ladies Room article!) I’m willing to bet that this colossal squandering of time and money won’t get her over it faster anyway.
