Who’s Your (baby) Daddy?

Written by elizabethcochran in Entertainment, Featured, TV on 12 January 2010

Ugly Betty has catapulted from Friday night prime-time exile to the top of the heap – right after ABC’s clever and well- written Modern Family and the popular-yet-depressing-to-me Cougartown.

I work in fashion, live in New York City and have long hung out with gay guys, so Ugly Betty has been a guilty pleasure for me since it debuted. Last week’s episode followed up on the preceding week’s pregnancy scare. As it turns out, Hilda, the wise (cracking) Latina character is pregnant with her second illegitimate child. The first came to her in high school, the result of her relationship with the local Queens version of Rebel Without a Cause.

Hijinks and hilarity ensue as Hilda figures out what to do and how to hide the pregnancy from her father. Of course, the truth comes out in a shocking way to all involved, including the baby daddy, an archetype of a grown-up teen bad boy. He runs from the truth, leaving Hilda stranded and alone in her struggle.

Near the end of the most recent episode, the adult rebel who has fathered Hilda’s second child “finally” comes around and as the camera zooms in on his sexy face and leather jacket, he tells Hilda that he will be involved as much or as little as she wants him to be. He will be there. Or he won’t. It’s up to her.

Wow. Romantic. What a guy. What a culture. Welcome to 2010, the age of the Baby Daddy, where real dads are optional. Is this what it means to be an American woman who has it all? Is this the end game of free love, bra burning and title IX?

As I sat there, wondering what could be so bad about marriage and raising children with a full time dad, I realized that most movie and television illegitimate –child plot lines always choose life. Although the plot lines often choose non-traditional family roles immediately thereafter, the most popular being the strong, single woman making it on her own for herself and her child. The movie Precious, television shows Friends, Ugly Betty and Confessions of an American Teen have all depicted women keeping their babies and forging ahead as best they can.

And while it is heartening to know that abortion does not a good plot make, what Hollywood has done may be worse than the occasional prime time back alley plot line. They have glamorized illegitimate children and downplayed the importance of family. The whole concept of a relationship and its ensuing responsibility has been marginalized, even if unplanned children have not.

When did it become ok to be a Baby Daddy and not a Father? I know several women in my professional life who are in long term, live- in relationships and now have children with these men, yet, remain unmarried. They think it’s a hoot to call their boyfriends, “my baby daddy.” What does that mean? And why are men willing to be downgraded in importance?

Baby Daddy implies the man does not have to be there for the child and is only a supporting role to the mother. Why would a man settle for this? Sex in the City, a show that often marginalized men, had a surprisingly conservative and traditional view of parenthood and the single girl.

Miranda, accidentally impregnated by Steve, her ex-boyfriend, assures Steve that he doesn’t have to do anything. That she’ll take care of it all. No need for him to bother. Steve then becomes the manliest man in recent pop culture history by taking offense to her plans. No. He wants the child. He wants to be a father. In fact, eventually Miranda and Steve get married and move to Brooklyn to live happily ever after.

Fictional stories one and all, yes. But we shouldn’t discount the effect they have on popular culture and how they can desensitize us to certain behaviors and morals or lack thereof. When it comes to the portrayal of Baby Daddies, it doesn’t matter if life is imitating art or art imitating life. This is one plot line we should strive to avoid.

elizabethcochran

Elizabeth works in fashion in New York City, for a rock star.

23 Comments - Leave a comment!

http://intensedebate.com/people/perfidy2012 perfidy2012

i understand the duh concept that it isn't ideal to have an illegitimate child or be a single parent. especially since i am a single mother with a bastard child. but here's the deal conservatives, you oppose abortion, and you're hypocrites if you sit here and snub women who instantly morph their lives, adopt a lifestyle they may have never even considered, and put selfish desires on the back burner all because they are taking the path of responsibility as opposed to that of death. we're not all selfless enough to put our children up for adoption, and we're not all stupid enough to assume that their new parents won't abuse, molest, or damage them in some horrid way. you need to pick a side, get behind single moms or hold their hands when they strap on the vacuum. it's a political, moral & ethical decision and you can't keep PREACHING and then BERATING. it's why no one gives you the time of day other than the other ignorant born agains at your church.

and you have to be a complete and utter moron to think for a second that hollywood is trying to glam up bastard children. no, it's like the original introduction of gays into the media, it's an olive branch of acceptance. they're trying to make a place rather than alienate these children. not force it as the normal doctrine, but advertise it as an alternative option that is very present in the world at this time. i commend them. i've made my choice, you might want to make yours.
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Emily

I think the point the writer is trying to make is that "baby daddy-ism" shouldn't be glamorized and made hip or cool. The ideal of a family with a mother and father should be promoted, but sometimes life can happen.

http://intensedebate.com/people/perfidy2012 perfidy2012

perhaps that's her point, but that's not what the article says.

Billie

Selfish desires perfidy2012? Obviously your selfish desires got you an illegitimate child!

http://intensedebate.com/people/perfidy2012 perfidy2012

you are perhaps the most ignorant person on this site. what if i were a rape victim? you should be ashamed of yourself. i hope your g-d forgives you. go back to your double wide billie jean, and deep fry me something, my selfish desires got me hungryyy

Samson Alexander

My mother raised me by herself, didn't ask for help from the father or from the government. She took responsibility for her own actions. Had my father cared or wanted to be involved, he would have been. It's wrong to lump anybody into any one category, because it's all a case by case basis. I hardly interpret entertainment, especially of the low art variety like Ugly Betty, to represent where American culture stands on the "baby daddy" issue.

Here in the real world, I've never encountered it the way you've written, or that people have commented. Rather, people like Perfidy should be praised for taking responsibility for themselves by taking care of their children. Men just tend to be more immature, and therefore more likely to run. Plus it's easier for a man to run, because they don't have to deal with the pregnancy, etc. A man can get away with no emotional grief, by just turning their back, and pretending it didn't happen. Women don't have that luxury, hence why it's incredibly brave and level headed for a woman to stand strong and raise a child on her own, despite the hardships she'll face.

Plus, seriously guys, you think a loveless forced marriage is better for a child, opposed to growing up in a home with no resentment and intense love from one parent? Forgive the language, and my lowering myself, but you're talking out your ass.

A forced family is filled with anxiety, hatred, resentment, and most likely some form of abuse from one parent, directed at the child. If that's your solution, I'm happy I don't live on your planet.
deb

Sam, you sound like a reasonable guy but I must take issue that Perfidy should be praised for taking responsibility for herself and her child? My goodness, that's what is wrong with people today……..wanting a pat on the back for doing something that millions do every day. This is her child for pete's sake. Who else is supposed to be taking care of it?
I digress however, the article to me was about our culture's willingness to accept children out of wedlock as okay. This in not ok in my opinion ;however, it is more and more a sad fact of life. I think the writer was saying that children deserve to have both a mother and a father in their lives and that is what we should hold up as the norm.

http://intensedebate.com/people/perfidy2012 perfidy2012

i was not asking for praise, and that is not what he meant. so how exactly do you treat illegitimate children? and how do you treat children with two parents of the same gender? are you a christian deb? because i can't imagine how sad it is for any christian to look on the face of g-d's most precious gifts with pity just because they don't live in a household that you don't approve of. i can't imagine how your g-d views you now. i think this is one of those social issues that will fade out once the baby boomers no longer reside on planet earth. it's silly, ignorant, and hypocritical. it literally makes me physically ill to live in a world like this. grow up.

deb

Perfidy, I was not talking to you. I was replying to Sam. The issue is not about the children. It's about the irresponsible choices made by the people who brought them in to the world…. Did you and your partner discuss the consequences of your actions before you completed the act?
You are the one that needs to grow up……your emails are filled with anger and finger pointing.

Perdify means deliberate treachery, deceit, faithless. Nice moniker……………..

http://intensedebate.com/people/perfidy2012 perfidy2012

Deb,
you were talking about me on an online forum, as adults you should immediately take into consideration that i would address you. sadly these are not emails, so they are not private, but regardless i'd like to know who i pointed my finger at and in regards to what? the issue is about the children, it is entirely about the children, you're kidding yourself if you think pregnancy is about anything else. but maybe abstinence only education didn't provide that for you. i think what you're trying to address is premarital sex, and that's not an issue i feel comfortable discussing especially since you've directed it to me personally. sorry deb, but i'm not going to describe the cocks in my jungle, you're going to have to live vicariously through some other online stranger. if by irresponsible choice you mean fallible birth control then you have got to be kidding me. like i said, we're discussing single parent homes and illegitimate children. not premarital sex or pregnancy. however, if you think you can win that one based on faith we can certainly duke it out. but until you find more relevant scripture to quote we'll just leave it at this, i'll pray for you

PS. thanks, i like it too (it also means betrayal, which is how you've approached basic reasoning) and i'm also very impressed by your ability to type dictionary.com in your web browser. c'mon, obviously i'd know what my own screen name meant lolz to ya baby!

deb

I just wanted everyone else to know what you thought of yourself.

And by the way…….you are the one that started this whole discussion……………….

One last thing…………..why aren't you at work? Do you work?

Samson Alexander

Why aren't you at work? Do you work? not everyone works the same hours, or the same days, or has the same sort of job etc, etc. I think it's sad that instead of responding with something constructive you respond by questioning her employment status, as a personal attack.
http://intensedebate.com/people/perfidy2012 perfidy2012

"I just wanted everyone else to know what you thought of yourself."

is that in regards to my screenname? i'm pretty sure everyone else is capable of googling a definition. but my screenname means 'betrayal 2012, as in the election'. not as in 'i will betray the world in 2012'.

samson already addressed your 'one last thing' but it's 6pm in new york. and considering the economic crisis, would it be a legitimate dig if i were unemployed? i can see that you have no compassion for single parents or illegitimate children (compassion not sympathy), but i hope you don't mock those that have lost their jobs or homes as well. that's just in poor taste. not that smirking at bastards is necessarily socially acceptable…

Flagella Marmelade

It must be pretty awesome up there on your soap box.

Flagella Marmelade

That one was directed at Perfidy….just in case is wasn't painfully obvious.
http://intensedebate.com/people/perfidy2012 perfidy2012

what soap box per se? what exactly am i preaching?

Flagella Marmelade

"i was not asking for praise, and that is not what he meant. so how exactly do you treat illegitimate children? and how do you treat children with two parents of the same gender? are you a christian deb?… (Not going to rewrite the whole comment)" -perfidy2012

It must be hard being better than everyone and knowing it. We're all just cursed with a sense of humor and different view from the CORRECT view, your view.

Now tell me that's not what you were saying at all, you're not on a soap box. You were simply trying to point out that everyone should be ashamed for having a different perception of right and wrong from what you were raised with and we're not Christian and how phyiscally ill you are to live in this world.

And please, do it without capitalizing anything. I love that.
http://intensedebate.com/people/perfidy2012 perfidy2012

I am not better than 'everyone' and I'm sorry you misunderstood tone in text (but it's common), there was no soapbox. And honestly if you read every back & forth and still feel that way I'd be surprised. However I will say that yes, I am better than someone who is cruelly dismissive because of an ignorant obsession with any sort of doctrine. Hence the 'born again' jokes. I am not a christian, I wasn't making fun of non-seculars or people with a sense of humor, infact if you actually read what I was addressing rather than trolling a site and picking a fight mid debate you'd see that I am arguing BECAUSE of a lack of sense of humor.

the comment you quoted however doesn't even resemble a soapbox stand.

i'm really unsure as to if you legitimately feel this way or you're just bored and feeling left out of the conversation. so on behalf of the entirety of parcbench, welcome flagella

…i really don't like marmelade by the way, the texture irks me, it's nothing personal.
Flagella Marmelade

Just because I quoted one of your tirades, doesn't mean I only read one. Stop trying to bait me.
http://intensedebate.com/people/assume_away assume_away

i don't get the soapbox either dude.

deb

I'm retired.
Personal attack? "Betrayal" started this with her very first comment with words such as "hypocrite, berating, moron, ignorant born agains…" this woman has some serious problems .

Are you her baby daddy? And why aren't you at work?

http://intensedebate.com/people/perfidy2012 perfidy2012

"berating, moron, hypocrite and ignorant" are all words you should add to your 'google later' list. because they are in no way offensive, especially if they hold merit. i guess i see why you feel personally attacked by the born again comment. but then again, i am personally offended to share this country with you. so it seems that we may be even.

but honestly, for someone your age, comments like 'are you her baby daddy' and any of the other mocking moments directed at my being a single parent…you should be utterly ashamed of yourself. so should your pastor, your church, and your aborted neighbors (children, whichever).