Most women believe men consider one thing, and one thing only, when choosing a mate: looks. Most women believe men are superficial slobbering primal creatures that are blind to everything except boobs, butts, and more boobs.
You know what? Most women are right.
There’s nothing more I love than a fine female specimen. I can’t help it. A beautiful girl gives me an eyegasm every time. It’s genetics. I’m searching for a girl who looks prime to have a baby.
Clear skin? No sign of bad health? Check.
Hourglass figure with good baby-bearing hips? Check.
Boobs to feed my baby? Check.
So you think I’m shallow. Excuse me for trying to pick the best woman to help carry on my genetic legacy. The Burch name must go on! And it must go on as physically attractive as possible!
If ladies want to point fingers at who’s to blame for our emphasis on looks, then they should point those dainty French-manicured fingers at themselves. That’s right, there’s no stronger perpetuator of the “men desire looks” stereotype than women themselves.
How you look is a preview of your priorities…and personality. If you’re the high-maintenance gal, then be prepared for men to focus on what you’re showcasing as your top priority: your looks. Your top personality: narcissistic.
Sure, the first thing I notice about a girl is her looks. At first sight, what else can I assess besides appearance? Maybe if donning a sandwich board describing her personality were part of her appearance, then I’d get a better picture. But, despite how helpful that would be in finding a mate, girls don’t usually do that.
The first thing I notice is the face. She’s got to have a pretty face…symmetrical…clean…no leprosy or Mike Tyson-esque tattoos. The second thing I look for is the most important: a no-nonsense attitude. I like a girl with a simple hairstyle that’s stylish, accentuates her face, but looks low-maintenance.
I can’t stand girls with pretentiously trendy hairstyles like some crazy choppy look or euro-inspired style that screams, “Look at how cultured I am. I’m going to save the world.” You’re not going to save the world, honey. But, you are going to save me the time I’d never get back listening to you regurgitate loony liberal talking points about [insert new feel-good cause].
I like a girl with a simple style of clothes. No huge necklaces, layers of bracelets, or any other large pieces of metal swinging all over the place. Do you really need that much attention? Why don’t you just attach flares all over your body and set them off?
Like I said, I like a no-nonsense girl. I like girls with a cute, down-to-earth style, but I like them to still care about their looks too. I prefer a preppy-casual look that maybe hints at a vixen underneath by working in one wildcard like sexy heels or tight jeans.
I don’t like girls who wear articles of clothing for fashion rather than function. You’re wearing a scarf, but it’s not even covering your neck. It’s drooping down. Why wear it? I can’t even fathom why girls wear belts around their waist…on the outside of a sweater. Don’t even get me started on hats. The only hat a girl should wear is a traditional Red Sox ball cap. Not one of those lame pink ones. They’re the Red Sox, not the Pink Sox.
However, I’m not like all the other guys out there. Hold on, ladies, this may shock you. Personality matters more to me than looks. Are you still with me? Yes, appearance attracts, but it’s the personality that makes me stay. Appearance will eventually fade away, but the power of two perfectly compatible personalities will only grow stronger over time. I can’t wait to experience it.
Yet, I’m still a guy, and I love a girl who knows how to dress…or undress.
