If you enjoy reading TheFrisky.com, you’d have noticed their newest promotion of the 30-Day Break Up Guide. It’s a field guide of how to recover from a failed relationship and they’re doing a daily calendar for the full 30 days to reveal the sage wisdom of this self-help book.
It’s a sham. Some of the advice is relatively normal and the rest is unrealistic and worthless. Additionally, it takes more than a month to lick your wounds and stage a comeback in your life.
So they’re about halfway through their list now, I’m going to take the first 15 days and review their suggestions.
1. Change your cell phone wallpaper.
If you have the ability, meaning you have no lingering ties such as children or his Xbox is at your place, delete his number too. It has to be done. Simply put: If you don’t need to call him, then his number doesn’t need to be in your phone.
2. Tell your friends
Your closest friends probably know already. It’s likely you called them directly after the break-up to cry on the phone for an hour while eating everything in your apartment. Everyone else can be notified via the relationship status change on Facebook. Announcing your breakup in any other way seems self-indulgent and melodramatic.
3. Collect your friends’ advice and kind words in a “Breakup Bible”
People never listen to advice, even if they ask for it; they’ll do whatever they wanted in the first place. Keeping a ‘Breakup Bible’ is not only the strangest thing I’ve ever heard, it’s also the worse suggestion on this list. Can you honestly imagine sitting down and committing things to paper, such as:
-Don’t call him
-He doesn’t want kids
-You are too good for him
Didn’t think so.
4. Meet two gal pals at a neighborhood bar, throw back a few cocktails and let them tell you it’ll be okay.
Even if you don’t want to see your friends, women have a tendency to push brokenhearted pals into it by saying, ‘Call me if you want to vent.’ It’s not a lie either. We want to hear every sordid detail because we love a good story, even if it’s sad and we’re genuinely sorry for you.
5. Take a trip somewhere
It’s a great idea, but not always feasible right after the break up, so plan a couple months out. By then, you might be over the relationship and it’ll still be a nice treat.
6. Go grocery shopping, buying exactly what you and you alone want to eat.
You should be doing this now. Did you not eat foods you enjoyed because of your man? What the hell is wrong with you? No wonder he bailed…
7. Box up his crap
I like this idea, except the fact that they tell you to shelf it if you can’t part with it yet. Do not keep his junk. If you do, bill him monthly for storage fees. Either mail him the box or destroy the contents in a bonfire. Whatever you choose, get rid of it.
8. Buy a ‘look at me!’ dress
Good suggestion, since you’ll be getting back on the dating scene. Now that you’re single, all your disposable funds can be redirected back to you and only you. Enjoy your money.
9. Re-read a book you loved
If you have the time to read an entire book in a day, then your problems are bigger than you thought.
10. Stop watching crap reality show reruns and change your perspective by taking in art produced by a woman
They need to turn down the Spice Girls music and remember it’s not 2001. No one should be watching reality TV anyway, no matter their relationship status. Get Netflix, go view any art produced by a man or woman or just read in the park. Please stop watching The Bachelor. It needs to be cancelled already.
11. Start a ‘Go to Hell’ fund
This goes back to #8 and enjoying your money. Buy things you don’t need or save for a while and buy larger, more pricey things you don’t need.
12. Embrace your inner girly-girl
What? Does wearing more pink get you over an ex?
13. Write a letter to your best friend
This is strange and will only occupy you for 10 minutes between crying-jags over your ex. Skip this entirely.
14. Remember how free and easy life used to be by chatting up a little girl
Again, like #13, this is weird. Having your heart broken does not give you license to be completely unhinged. Talking to children won’t help you remember life as a child or put anything into a different perspective. However, it may get you arrested.
15. Host a ladies-only night
Host any kind of night and invite everyone you like. Or make a point to attend more parties if you’re a bad hostess, like me. Try not to drink too much.
You’ll save yourself a load of grief and embarrassing Facebook photo tags.
Will finish out the last 15 days on the list soon! Stay tuned.
