Ask Fingers

“Ask Fingers” is a new advice column for Parcbench readers. Fingers Malloy has no experience as a relationship, financial or career counselor. In fact, we aren’t entirely sure that he has ever been married, owned stock or even gainfully employed. Fingers claims to have been a bartender in the 1990′s, which is good enough for us.

Dear Fingers: Jack Klugman- Oscar or Quincy? – Morticia626, President of the Jack Klugman fan club.

Quincy M.E. Poster

That’s a difficult question for me to answer. What information are you trying to obtain by asking such a question? Is this your version of Ginger vs. Mary Ann? That would be kind of weird, being that it’s the same person. And if that is the kind of answer you want from me, well I can’t help you.

However, what really concerns me is that you are still interested in Quincy. The show ended in 1983. Lots of things have happened since then Morticia; Facts of Life, Silver Spoons, Alf, Full House, Fraggle Rock, After M*A*S*H, The A-Team, Punky Brewster, MacGyver, Growing Pains, Falcon Crest, Mama’s Family, Doogie Howser, M.D., Bill Cosby’s PicturePages, Mork & Mindy, Night Court, The Fall Guy, Vegas, CHiPs, Alice, G.L.O.W., Teen Wolf, Press Your Luck, Who’s the Boss?, B.J. and the Bear, Family Ties, A Different World, The Greatest American Hero, Max Headroom, Webster, Matlock, Life Goes On, Taxi, Charlie’s Angels, Magnum P.I., Remote Control, Gimme a Break, V, Police Academy-The Animated Series, Murder She Wrote, 227, My Two Dads, Alien Nation, Amen, The Arsenio Hall Show, Highway to Heaven, Trapper John, M.D., Friday Night Videos, The Gong Show, It’s Garry Shandling’s Show, Fame, Hart to Hart, The Love Boat, St. Elsewhere, Hill Street Blues, Solid Gold, Puttin on The Hits, In the Heat of the Night, It’s a Living, Police Squad!, Barney Miller, Kate & Allie, Family Ness, Remington Steele, Empty Nest, The Rockford Files, Bosom Buddies (the only thing Tom Hanks has done that was any good), Fantasy Island, The Highwayman, The Ropers, Dear John, Designing Women, Not Necessarily the News, China Beach, Too Close for Comfort, Riptide, Jake and the Fatman, Coach, Eight is Enough, L.A. Law, Yo! MTV Raps, Hello Larry, Major Dad, Still the Beaver, Double Trouble, Murphy Brown, The Hitchhiker, Night Flight, Soap and T.J. Hooker.

Morticia, my advice is to move on. Forget about Jack Klugman and that Felix tramp stamp tattoo you have always wanted. Godspeed young lady.

Dear Fingers: If people who think that Obama isn’t a citizen are called “birthers” then what will the people be called who don’t believe that a President Donald Trump has real hair? Joe from Oregon


Dear Fingers: How do you distinguish an “April Fool” from the other sorts? Tom in North Carolina

That’s easy, since most April Fool’s joke are lame there is an easy litmus test to notice the difference. If a person still thinks Rick Rolling is funny, he is an April fool…

Source for all those awesome 80’s tv shows was Retro Junk.

Fingers Malloy

Host of The Snark Factor with Fingers Malloy on FTR Radio ( Check out my website at

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About Fingers Malloy

Host of The Snark Factor with Fingers Malloy on FTR Radio ( Check out my website at
Category : Humor, ParcLIVE! and tagged , , , , , , .
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  • Android

    Trump is the only one with enough audacity to come out and face sensitive issues. Trump loves debate, and he loves winning debate, because winning debates and staying on top is what Trump does for a living – naturally. I know if he became president he is going to tell it like it is from the podium and none of this go hide behind congress BS we get from every president. Not to mention the American economy can only get better if it plays a trump card – and how overdue the US is for a TRUMP card!!! So if Trump wants to get real on the ballot, I am voting for him. Its not a joke anymore because the US is in deep financial debt and Trump is the only one who understands this and knows how to climb out of the hole. The only ones who will hate Trump are the other country leaders who will be jealous of the US moving forward with financial stability and prosperity. I think its time we stop wiping everyone elses butts and lay the smack down with the trump card ballot. Enough said.