That headline is completely true, since we totally stole it from FOX.

Relax though, don’t break out the keys to the fallout shelter just yet. This morning, when Drudge decided to flash this little tidbit of breaking news, stock prices in laxatives crashed.

The Sun’s surface erupted early Sunday morning, shooting a wall of ionized atoms directly at Earth, scientists say. It is expected to create a geomagnetic storm and a spectacular light show — and it could pose a threat to satellites in orbit, as well.

When a coronal mass ejection reaches Earth, solar particles stream down our planet’s magnetic field lines toward the poles. In the process, the particles collide with atoms of nitrogen and oxygen in the Earth’s atmosphere, which then glow, creating an effect similar to miniature neon signs.

Luckily for us, our atmosphere is tre badass, so little or no radiation (or burning cosmic plasma) should (I repeat ‘should’) hit the ground. Unfortunately our government, the same people who have taught us the value in beating a dead horse (for glue of course – for the CHILDREN!!), has allotted 100 million dollars to ‘dealing’ with this random and rare phenomena. They’re concerned with the safety of our electrical grid. I’m concerned with their sanity, how pray-tell can you protect an electrical grid from a cosmic light show?

At least we know how to protect our children from that dunce cap addicted fate. Spend less time today attempting to explain (ie: convince, lie) to your children how this administration is trying to better the future of America, and more time teaching the future of America about some uber bomb NASA/Space/Solar Tsunami shit.

Hypothermia:  bad. Naked cuddling in a sleeping bag to survive:  priceless. There’s no ‘good’ classification to a heart stopping freeze. Unless it’s a freeze of assets, which is something headed Mr. Rangel’s way.

The soon to be infamous Democratic Congressman from New York is at the center of his very own Ethics Violation. So far the only publicly aired grievance is in regard to a tax deviation for a property he owns in The Dominican Republic. Lame. Now that you have that uninspiring tidbit let’s address the legitimate grievances that concern you as an American citizen.

Creeped out by the Socialism epidemic (good boat to be in, all hands on deck)? The Obamacare bill belongs to Mr. Rangel. Not a huge fan of a draft? The newly introduced draft bill is another evil spawn of good ole Charlie.

41 states have filed lawsuits against The Federal Government in response to HR 3590 (Obamacare) without even getting into the private sector’s response. While the percentage of informed Americans either A) support a potential draft during wartime or B) disregard Rangel’s bill since he has reintroduced it regularly over the past 7 years while personally voting against it after it hit the floor; there are a few current complications you should be made aware of.

Recently The Pentagon issued a warning to Congress in respect to pending deliberations over a temporary military funding bill. While Democrats are getting hormonal over Big O’s threat to veto the bill unless it’s budget proposal expands dramatically from 36 to 86 billion, Republicans are growing more and more impatient as the August recess rapidly approaches. What happens if Congress fails to approve this short term band-aid?

Well, The Pentagon says we’re shit-out-of-luck! Both The Marine Corps and The Army are speeding towards literally stark empty accounts. By August neither of the two will have a penny left. Primary concerns focus  around loud boot-camp esque factoids spouted by decorated experts protesting keeping the service men and women in combat on a voluntary basis. As of yet a legality overview has yet to be agreed upon. If either branch fails to pay its employees will they have the opportunity to cease and desist? Is this how the war will end? Is it even fair to ask them to stay on for free?

However you should be more focused on the possibility that the coincidental serial submission of The Draft Bill is a response or rather a proposed solution to this. Since the bill is only 14 pages long we highly suggest you read it, it has been linked everywhere it was mentioned (that’s what the blue font is for). The language is ambiguous and disconcerting.

To require all persons in the United States between the ages of 18 and 42 to perform national service, either as a member of the uniformed services or in civilian service in furtherance of the national defense and homeland security, to authorize the induction of persons in the uniformed services during wartime to meet end-strength requirements of the uniformed services, and for other purposes.

The bill is non-gender discriminatory and allows you the option of civilian service (although the specifications into the deliberation are unclear). However, civilian service is eerily similar in description to the militia hidden in the folds of Rangel’s other blatant offense against liberty (Obamacare). Firstly, why on earth was Obama granted a civilian militia, and secondly, what was it doing in The Healthcare Reform? And why all this from Mr. Out-of-Iraq-NOW?  I guess we’d have to ask Charlie.

This Administration and its shady attempts to turn the bravery of patriots into the incarceration of slaves is practically treason and you should be very concerned about the implications of forced service, specifically when stationed at home (against your brethren). Is it too idealistic to hope that Rangel’s inquiries will surface some truth to unravel the Socialistic plans of The Obamanation? Or is it firstly just offensive to ‘hope’ during this four year stint in hell?

There are many things we could say. Some of which are funny, most of which are so offensive that the necessary subsequent exfoliation would border on shedding, and unfortunately all of which are true. But rarely does the face of ignorance present us with a perfectly public, but rarely shared, glance into the wind tunnel behind the eyes of hate. This being the very first of The Parcbench Cracker Feed (of which no one but myself is to blame), we would (or rather I would) love to spout off this or that disclaimer or this or that pun, but, we won’t.

However, we’d appreciate if you did! Leave your commentary and forgive our silence, but we’re still in shock.

Certain journalists would pay you big bucks to accurately quote Obama as stuttering, choking, spitting, or even whispering the words ‘FREEDOM OF RELIGION’. Instead, since November when he attended a memorial for Ft. Hood victims (whom we are lucky to still refer to us such, just as long as we don’t pollute the sentiment with ‘religious’ or ‘of terrorism’) The POTUS has consistently shifted his terminology to ‘freedom of worship.’

“Those of us in the business of sniffing out rats know that this is a rhetorical shift to watch.” – Tom Farr, Professor of Religion and World Affairs at Georgetown University and the former head of the State Department’s International Religious Freedom Office

At first it may seem a dismissible grievance, the usual anti-BHO monkeys slinging poop to avoid the mundane reality of their own succession of failures known as life. Except that, in an effort to proactively guard the future of our religious freedom as designated in The First Amendment of The Constitution:

‘Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.’

The United States has its very own Commission on International Religious Freedom which held its 11th Annual Report on April 29th, 2010, during which concerns were vocalized in regard to both President Barack Hussein Obama and Secretary of State Hilary Clinton’s formulaic and seemingly indefinite shift from the term ‘religion’ to ‘worship’.

USCIRF notes that since the initially strong language on religious freedom used in President Obama’s Cairo speech, presidential references to religious freedom have become rare, often replaced, at most, with references to freedom of worship. The same holds true for many of Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s speeches.

This change in phraseology could well be viewed by human rights defenders and by officials in other countries as having concrete policy implications. Freedom of worship is only one aspect of religious freedom and a purposeful change in language could mean a much narrower view of the right, ignoring such components as religiously motivated expression and religious education as well as ignoring incursions such as discrimination in government benefits and privileges or the creation of climates of impunity, where private religiously-motivated violence isn’t prevented and punished.

This quotation can be found on page 4 of the official transcript (as linked). Continue reading and it will soon be clarified that The Commission is non-partisan and committed to holding both parties and all representatives accountable citing discontent with both Clinton and Bush in regard to the same affront. In fact, they spend an unprecedented designation of time attempting to prove, beyond disrepute, the lack of ulterior motivation in their public criticism of The Obama Administration. However, while they’re not groveling through a shoddy defense of their efforts (which at best seems unwarranted), they are vocalizing (at a rather high decibel) their sheer panic at the potential master plan behind such an obviously deliberate shift in verbiage. Not that The Obama Administration has any plot, master plan, or coup against religion; but just in case.

Oh, they’re just words.

Well, even if this wasn’t an Administration literally instituted because of and based on ‘words’, the assertion that mere syllables hold little weight is an empty one. Human beings have waged wars, created legacies, gone to Space, searched for lost civilizations, founded new civilizations, and fallen inlove – all because of words. And the silly, all too soon forgotten, letter fused with letter that began each and every triumph and failure throughout the course of humanity, was based on a trembling fragment of hope. Those four letters aren’t just a tattered exploited attempt at idealism, but the breathe of movement and a lone warrior against inertia, and as a result the muse of another recently captive word – CHANGE.

Not all change is good. If Obama redefines The First Amendment’s defense of religious immunity from government, we will certainly lose protection from religion first and foremost. People are brutalized and murdered across the globe every single day because of religion. By the time America, land of the free, is reduced to despotism under the tyranny of Religious Intolerance there will be no one left to utter a word in our defense.

So is the Obama Administration’s decision to replace ‘religion’ with ‘worship’ a random teleprompter glitch? Regardless, isn’t it your sworn duty as an American citizen to keep an eye on your governing forces, if only for the sake of our shared progeny?

Amidst all the colorful ruckus that America’s own main stream media has effectively ignored, a few condescending whispers began to circulate, almost a year after the fact. Back in September 2009 at The G20 in Pittsburgh, Obama quietly skipped out the back door. No biggie, it being golfing season and all. But while its perfectly acceptable for The POTUS to bail on his own nation for a little public humiliation on the course, some weren’t all that impressed that he’d condescended to run out on a Global discussion of unimaginable magnitude that can barely be verbalized. But if their grievances were really all that justified, why did it take this long to vocalize them?

LEAVE OUR PRESIDENT ALONE! What the haters failed to consider was that THIS time BHO actually had somewhere more important to be, like The UN, duh. Our very own (until further documentation is produced) Barack Hussein Obama was granted the most prestigious and powerful appointment available in THE WORLD! No he’s not heading a Global Union (yet) but Chairman to The UN Securities Council is nothing to scoff at. Can we get a golf clap for Bam-a-lot?

…riiight before we impeach him. You see, Article 1 Section 9 of The Constitution of The United States of America, the very same document Obama swore to uphold and protect, states that:

no person holding any office of profit or trust under them, shall, without the consent of the Congress, accept of any present, emolument, office, or title, of any kind whatever, from any king, prince, or foreign state.

Your president and mine  indisputably (try) committed high treason and can not only be removed from office but can, for all you super extremists out there, be tried and potentially hung. Now we’d like to issue a disclaimer for all you half baked troll hacks stalking this post: we do not support hanging Obama, but he really needs to unhang his infamously stretched out world traveled panties from The White House – pronto. Evidently last September our Justice Department wasn’t up to their job, maybe now with Attorney Adams resigning because of ‘alleged’ racism in The Obama Administration, we can get some viable vocalization. They swore to uphold The Constitution after all, if they don’t, they are accomplices to high treason, and so are you.

More specifically, I said in May, 2007:

“Now, private equity is available at higher valuations than public equity across certain sectors of the market. The ironic consequence of this “inverted equity curve” is that the guardians of the public markets are discouraging risk taking, diminishing wealth creation and ultimately hurting small investors.

In the bond market, an inverted yield curve is often a precursor of a recession. An inverted equity curve should be understood in the same light, with potentially greater severity, as its consequences are not fully understood either by regulators or Wall Street.”

You can read that article in its entirety HERE

In hindsight, we did have a recession. The 2008 recession was definitely of “greater severity.”  In the Senate, Sarbanes-Oxley passed 99-0. Just because every politician is for it does not mean it’s a good idea. In fact, if they all agree, they are likely all drinking the same Kool-Aid. The ongoing burdens of this law continue to plague small companies, the engine of job growth. As a result, we now have a “jobless” recovery. I guess a “jobless” recovery is like a loveless marriage without intimacy…just for show. Moreover, as some politicians have acknowledged, Sarbanes-Oxley also acted to drive the IPO business off-shore, that is, when the IPO market was robust. We are now on the verge of enacting an instant replay of Sarbanes-Oxley on a bigger screen, with our financial institutions. While space and time do not permit me here to categorize what could be wrong with the new law (I’ll do that tomorrow), suffice it to say, they are up to their old tricks, and little good will come of it.

While the 2010 death tax rate is zero, the rate will jump to 55% unless Congress acts first. If this rate is allowed to take effect, it means that foreigners who inherit U.S. securities will now have to pay an extra layer of taxes on the value of the securities they inherit.

It also imposes a duty on foreign banks to identify and report back to the Internal Revenue Service on who owns our securities (as though the IRS were reading the foreign obituary columns daily, looking for more revenue).

Avoiding U.S. Stocks

For their part, Wegelin & Co. refused. Rather than expose any of their clients to this risk or the IRS, it simply pulled out of investing in U.S. securities altogether. It viewed them as tainted.

Adding insult to injury, the U.S. subsequently made it more difficult for American citizens to open foreign bank accounts. Legislation passed in March and taking effect in 2013 allows the government to begin imposing withholding requirements on certain foreign withdrawals by U.S. citizens.

In practical effect, these new requirements, coupled with the end of bank secrecy policies (which originally protected consumers from having their personal and account information shared with authorities) hinder capital from leaving the U.S. In the past, while this U.S. tax was on the books, it was difficult to tie specific securities to specific clients, dead or undead. Now that’s all changed.

But two can play at the new games. If the Europeans perceive that we discourage U.S. citizens from buying their securities, but that they have to pay an estate tax to the U.S. and support the dollar by buying U.S. securities, it’s only a matter of time before others throughout Europe follow in Wegelin & Co.’s footsteps. Many foreigners will choose to give their heirs their money instead of the U.S., and do so by systematically avoiding U.S. securities.

More Revenue

While that may seem unlikely because the euro has been falling, the competitiveness of European goods will rise, and their economy will eventually recover, perhaps quite vigorously. When this happens, which is more of a possibility than many believe right now, the U.S. may need their capital even more to fuel our own still shaky economic recovery. And the Asians are already supporting our debt.

Alternatively, the Europeans (or other foreign countries) may decide to retaliate by imposing or increasing a death tax on Americans holding, say, German bunds or Swiss bonds. If there is retaliation that slows capital flows, it could wind up being like the trade wars that made the Great Depression so devastating.

With a high estate-tax rate, new withholding requirements on certain foreign withdrawals and the end of bank secrecy policies, we are alienating ourselves from potential international security buyers in exchange for very little potential revenue, but lots of wealth destruction.

Alicia Munnell, a member of President Clinton’s Council of Economic Advisers, found that estate tax compliance costs are so great they actually approach the total death tax proceeds. Furthermore, a study by former Treasury official Stephen Entin for the American Family Business Foundation found that the U.S. government would actually generate substantially more revenue without the death tax than with it.

A generous estimate would suggest that a few billion dollars is likely the best we can expect from foreigners’ death taxes. But at the margin, if we lose some natural U.S. Treasury buyers because they don’t want to pay the death tax, it will add to the interest we pay on our $13 trillion and growing national debt.

Wegelin & Co. estimates it could raise the cost of our debt to be refinanced by as much as 50 basis points. If we cut that in half, and assume that each year from now through 2019 we have to raise $1 trillion, for a total of $9 trillion more dollars, the ongoing cost would be an incremental $25 billion per year, for a total of $200 billion per year extra by 2019.

In addition, with higher rates, all holders of Treasuries would have lower prices for their bonds. That’s a high price to pay to collect no more than a few billion dollars in taxes a year.

If the U.S. wants to avoid this scenario and keep other banks from following in Wegelin & Co.’s footsteps while also avoiding giving cause for retaliation, then Congress ought to kill the death tax once and for all. It would be the best policy both at home and abroad.

Its somewhat entertaining how surprised the general public, being on MSM life support and all, can be when you try to assure them that Democrats are actually the ones with the history of racism. Republicans freed the slaves, no big deal. But what tends to tickle our fancy here at Parcbench is how, by just taking a step back, Republicans have gifted their partisan opponents with just enough rope to hang themselves with. Unfortunately, we still live in a country where had a Republican made those statements they would be publicly flogged by our biracial president, whereas now there is literally no coverage other than here and with our conservative friends at I Hate The Media. They were so impressed they actually granted him with a distinguished honor: ‘Idiot of The Day’.

Now, its a parent’s job to educate their children and if they fail to do so we have an educational system that fills the voids. However, forcing families to educate their 5 year olds on the nitty gritty of sex is inappropriate at best and unfathomable at worst. If you think for a second that teaching a child, who’d never considered even the basic premise of sexuality, how-to that it could turn out anything other than detrimental you’re not a parent. And if you think that leaving parents out of this process, and disregarding their opinions, is just part of America you need to show your ID before leaving a comment.

The remains of 72 individuals  have been identified. None of which discovered at Fresh Kills where we transported 7 containers for analysis. If you want to know what Fresh Kills has successfully done for The World Trade Center tragedy, you can go back in time only two years after the attack and go visit their grotesque traveling exhibit of clothing, dolls and all things morbid. What they’re lacking in tact they make up for in entrepreneurial spirit, too bad that won’t buy you a ticket out of hell.