Parcbench » britney spears

The Ladies Room: What Miley Cyrus & I Have In Common

Kristyn Ostman — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 12:05:08 +0000

The self-proclaimed Gossip Gangster, Perez Hilton, has found himself on the wrong end of the tabloids. Newsflash, snapping a photo of Miley Cyrus’s bajingo while she exits a car is illegal. She’s only 17.

Regardless of her latest foray into leather corsets and her intensely creepy father-daughter relationship with Billy Ray, it’s still illegal. Not to mention awful. And honestly, Perez, I fail to see what interest you have in a chick’s vagina. Even a famous one.

It must be said that knowing how to properly exit a car in a micro-miniskirt is an art form. Few possess the skill necessary to accomplish such a task without flashing a bit of lady-cat. I don’t fault Miley for this. I support her wardrobe choices.

This is likely to get shrugged off and the blogger will go back to his kingdom of celebrity scandals. But it shouldn’t. It should in no way be ignored or reduced. Hilton should henceforth be looked upon with no more respect than special guest on To Catch a Predator.

I may sound overzealous on this matter. It is not without cause. To the extent that one can be an authority on such a topic, I feel utterly qualified in this situation.

When I was 19, a random degenerate snapped a sneaky photo up my skirt. I was distracted and hadn’t noticed a person near me until the flash went off. In all fairness, I was in a Barnes & Noble, so I was not really on guard. Since then, I’ve made a point to wear pants wherever books are sold. One can never be too careful.

I was mortified.

Like Miley, I too was wearing underpants like the goodie-goodie I was raised to be, but it doesn’t matter. One still feels violated.

However, I didn’t know my assailant and whatever website my picture may have ended up on certainly doesn’t have my face or name. Miley will now have hers broadcast to the entire world. At 17. Perez might be exceedingly effeminate and act like a bitchy queen, but I doubt he cares to realize the actual psyche of a young girl.

I might be a bit sensitive on this topic, but I hope they give him the electric chair. Too much?

Miley Cyrus “Can’t Be Tamed”

Greg Victor — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 10:59:10 +0000

Have you seen Miley Cyrus’s new video “Can’t Be Tamed?” In it, the 17-year-old multi-platinum selling, Hannah Montana star tries to prove that she really cannot be tamed. Cyrus is seen in revealing bodysuits, open high heels and even feathered wings. But what she really proves is that she is fairly unoriginal and desperate in her attempt to reshape her pristine image.

For the record, I used to defend Miley. I liked the way she presented an alternative persona to the inappropriate tween and teen images that suffocate childhood in America today. But that was then…

Nowadays Miley Cyrus seems to be trying to follow in the footsteps of Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera as she struggles around in a birdcage, wearing a revealing $25,000 corset, black bird wings and getting skeevily close with her dancers in her new video. It all comes across like some sort of knock-off Lady GaGa with the vocals of some karaoke Joan Jett wannabe.

In the last few weeks Miley has tried to break free of her clean cut image, especially with this new video. It’s a deliberate way for her to say “This is who I am now!” If there’s any doubt, just look at the symbolism of her being caged and needing to break free before a judgmental audience. As for her constant groping of herself, well, she still is only 17, so I’ll just ignore that.

Cyrus just finished up the final season of “Hannah Montana.” The final episode will air in the spring of 2011. Look for her one-hour special, “Miley Cyrus: Live From London,” on Friday, June 18 (8:00, ET) on ABC. Her album “Can’t Be Tamed” will be released on June 21st.

Miley… if you really want to prove you’re all grown up – surprise us. Do something original; something that hasn’t been done before by another generation of teen stars trying to be taken seriously as adult performers. No matter how hard you try, you’re no Britney. What’s next? Miley’s version of a Paris Hilton tape? Miley, grow up – putting yourself in a birdcage is for the birds.

What do you think?

Britney Spears Warns About Fake “Meet & Greets”

ParcLIVE! — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 13:06:51 +0000

People getting scammed makes Britney sad.

Want to make some quick dough? Put an ad up online for a Britney Spearks “Meet & Greet” and let people buy tickets from you. But the catch? There would be no Britney!

Britney has a new warning on her website:

“There have been recent sightings of internet auctions for fans to bid for a chance to meet Britney. Britneyspears.com wants to warn fans about these fraudulent opportunities. These postings are fake. Fans would never be charged to meet Britney. The only meet and greets for the Circus tour are through radio contests in select cities.”

Peeps, don’t be gullible. As the great President Ronald Reagan said, “trust but verify” that you are buying a ticket to a real Britney Spears “Meet & Greet!”

The World Is Ending: Lohan Reality Show

ParcLIVE! — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 16:00:26 +0000

Are they kidding? What has our society come to? Obviously rock bottom. We will consider launching an official boycott of this show if it does indeed happen.

From Hollyscoop:

You ready for more drama in your life? Lindsay Lohan just landed her own reality show about her troubled life. Try to contain your excitement.

Lohan is reportedly in talks with Britney Spears’ manager Larry Rudolph about filming her attempt to make a Hollywood comeback. Key word: attempt.

A source told FOX News: “Rudolph is helping Lohan with a potential reality show that will encapsulate her trials and tribulations as she gets back on her feet and actually becomes a working actress again.”

Not only has Lohan not been able to land a decent movie role in years, her bank account has taken a huge hit. She’s supposedly ready to get her life back on track, and who better than the guy who helped Britney?

Sad part is her life is already pretty much a reality show. We see paparazzi videos and photos of her every day, so why would we want to watch

a show about someone who’s already so overexposed? Would you be interested in a Lindsay Lohan reality show?

Britney On Letterman In Bikini (VIDEO)

ParcLIVE! — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 11:30:57 +0000

We especially like number four where she takes a dig at Obama and Congress for spending all our money like morons.

Britney Spears On Letterman Tues. Night

ParcLIVE! — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 20:17:50 +0000

Britney Spears will be on Letterman tonight (Tues. August 18th, 2009)

From PopSugar:

Britney Spears has been spending time by the pool with her boys, but tonight she’ll take a break to read David Letterman’s Top 10 List. She was last on the show in November 2006, and today’s cameo is ahead of her performance at Madison Square Garden on Monday. You guys would like to see her guest judge American Idol, but tell us — are you excited to see Britney appear on The Late Show?

Girls Love Short Skirts

ParcLIVE! — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 18:00:41 +0000

The ladies chose short short short for the Teen Choice Awards. Here is a fashion roundup.

Opera About Britney And Timberlake

ParcLIVE! — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 18:00:56 +0000

Oh ho hooooo this is hilarious (sad?).

Someone is exploring the artistic value of pop culture. Remember how Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake used to date?

LOL, sorry, maybe this isn’t funny to some of you but we can’t stop laughing at this one.

Via Wonderwall…

Well, one guy took his nostalgia for 2001 to a new level. NPR reports that composer Jacob Cooper devised an opera entitled “Timberbrit” which is a tragic tale of Britney’s final concert where, moments before her death, Justin returns to declare his love to her, though she ultimately chooses her love for the audience over him. Basically “Crossroads” meets “Rigoletto.”

That plot line certainly packs a punch. But really, Britney’s life story basically lives and breathes operatic tragedy. There are the obvious implications of how fame has destroyed Britney and how she has literally given her life to her audience and the press. And not to get too morbid, but I would not be surprised if that was actually the way Britney went out.

The best part about the opera is that they use Britney Spears’ songs in the show, but in a little creepier, darker style. Cooper uses an experimental technique called time-stretching where the performers stretch out every vowel and consonant where it sounds incredibly haunting and not exactly something you’d find on KIIS FM. Let’s just say lines like “Hit me baby one more time” are a bit less cutesy in this style. The performer who plays Justin stretches out the pop star’s famous beatboxing in his songs. Stretched out beat boxing isn’t all too impressive. That’s like how I do stretched out running for my workouts. It’s called walking. I’m kind of a pro at it, no big deal.

The opera has already premiered in New York City last year as a semi-staged production and is being developed into a fully staged version this year. Pretty intrigued, let’s just hope K-Fed doesn’t get wind of this and try to score a cameo in her final moments onstage.